Blogspot...my long lost friend

Greetings to you blogspot. It has been quite some time. My list of excuses? Where to start...

Well, to begin, for those that do not know by now Michael and I are expecting our first child in November. We found this out about a month ago. Were we surprised? Most definitely. Were we overjoyed? Of course. Are we scared? Duh, you bet. So, most of what has consumed my last three weeks of life has been simple: Work, sleep, and throwing up (sorry if this grosses you out). To say pregnancy has been difficult so far is an understatement. Pretty much, it is kicking my butt. It's so hard to believe something so very small can control my every move, all my energy, and my emotions. Ginger Ale and saltines are my best friends, along with my bed. My most favorite thing to hear is "It will all be worth it in the end" my least favorite thing to hear by now, "I never had morning sickness" followed by a sort of sympathetic giggle. Bleh. If you are one of these that have done that to me, no worries, you were forgiven long ago. And where has my wonderful husband been in all of this? Rubbing my back when I puke, sleeping on the couch so his snoring does not keep me from what little good sleep I get, going to the store about every other day, and holding me when I have a meltdown and don't think I can continue day after day feeling like I have the flu. For those of you that did not know, he is the bomb.com.

So, what else has gone on in "The crazy normalcy that is my life"? Welp, we did go to Salt Lake City the last week in March. I would be lying if I said we had some big spiritual epiphany while we were there. But, it was good to spend the week catching up with some friends, sight seeing and just having time to get away from the big O. It was great to meet with our friends who are already there doing campus ministry and to hear their input and also provide clarity to them as far as what has been on our hearts and minds. And what has been on our hearts and minds? Well, alot. Michael is trying to figure out what he may want to do for the rest of his life. Finish school? Do ministry as a career? Have a "secular" career and minister within that? These are all the things we consider. God has definitely been teaching us patience in all of this. I often remind Michael he is still only 21 years old and does not have to know tomorrow how he wants to spend the next 60 years. I am confident God will reveal things to us in His timing, not ours. So in the mean time we wait, sometimes more patiently than other times. So, while our time in Salt Lake was wonderful and we do love the city and the people and the culture, we are unsure if we will end up there or not. We feel like it is a good possibility but farther down on our path. So, while we have not received direct answers, we have in some ways, which is no clarity for anyone else but it does seem to be for us, lol. So, what we can do at this point is continue to seek God and do our best to be patient. I can only support my husband to the best of my ability and build him up when he is doubtful. He does the same for me so it works out well. Now I am just sort of rambling but I did not want the blogspot world to think we had died. So, I will leave you with the usual...

That's whats up...for now.

Here it is...

I guess in one regard I do not really know what to write but on the other hand...it is very evident God is working in our lives. For those that know us well we have been on a journey of trying to figure out what God has in store for us next. It has become evident to Michael he does not want to stay in Omaha. Now, I do not feel a huge need/desire to stay in Omaha, nor do I feel a huge need/desire to leave it. I do feel a desire to do the Lord's work. So, if my husband feels spiritual unrest in the Big "O" then I will follow that and pursue other paths with him. So, we ask, what's next?

God has put an interesting variety of thoughts into our heads. Michael has always loved California and so we have wondered if maybe we should look at pursuing something there. Another friend of ours has asked Michael to think about pursuing a ministry opportunity in Arkansas. And still, we think and wonder about Salt Lake City. Or the possiblity of something else that is not even on our radar yet. We have spent much of the last few weeks praying and asking God for things like patience, wisdom and discernment. He revealed to Michael the fact that we need to knock on any doors He places in front of us and seek after His desires for us, rather than our selfish desires. Easier said than done might I add. While I can't say we have necessarily mastered this (and who really has?), we have definitely been listening and seeking. In the past weeks I have been reading 1 Corinthians. As always, God has spoken to me in many different ways. The first came in 1 Corinthians 1:25- "For th foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." So I had to ask myself, "Why would I not want to submit to someone who has such great wisdom and power?"

Not only have we wondered where we are supposed to go, but we wonder what we are supposed to do. This is tricky. Our experience with being on staff in a church has taught us a lot. And through looking at our lives, especially for Michael, it has become increasingly clear that ministry is everywhere...It is in our apartment complex, it is at Jimmy John's, it is in the sweet little faces I work with every day.  This truth brings light but also more confusion. So for me I wonder if I am to stay working in the field I am in now or do I pursue my other love and passion of art? And for Michael, work in a church, go back to school, or something that has not even come to our minds yet? Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 2- "When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." In one word...wow. Talk about honesty.

So, what have I learned on this part of our journey? Sheesh, where do I start? Um, ok, patience...for obvious reasons, our (Michael and I) "Are we there yet, I wanna know NOW" mentality is slowly changing. And by slowly I mean, a snail would beat us in a marathon, slowly. Ok so there is that. What else? For me, I am learning how to submit to my husband while still seeking God. Sometimes in trying to submit and follow Michael (which I have yet to master) I forget to ask God to reveal things to me as well and not just him. I think this journey has also taught some of our friends and family how to be confident and faithful in us. You see, we married young and we have been through our fair share of "mountains and valleys" as individuals as well as a couple. Somewhere in there for a few seconds we may have doubted ourselves which made others doubt our faith and devotion to God and His plan for us. So if you are reading this and you did doubt....while we appreciate your love and concern (because this is usually what these sort of doubts are rooted in), FEAR NOT.....We are seeking. And no, we do not have all the answers, but we know who does and He is the One we are turning to. So pray for us and let us know if we can pray for you!

That's what's up...for now.

Just not fair

There are days where my job can be simple, and there are days where it can be complicated. For obvious reasons I can not give details. What I can say is this...It's just not fair. Thinking about the things these sweet little faces have seen in their short lives is almost too much to bear at times. It is hard not to be angry at the parents who do not love their kids enough to protect them. Now, hear me out, everyone makes mistakes and that is why the Foster Care System give parents a chance to get their kids back. Good people have their children taken away at times. These people often realize their shortcomings, fix their mistakes, and get their kids back. Today is one of those days where I wish it happens more often. You see, some days I just feel as though no matter how much I love on these kids, support their foster parents, and work on their behalf nothing will get done. I guess I have been caught on a bad day. Today is one of those days where I can't help but ask God "Why?" Why do these sweet faces have to endure these things? These things that they have absolutely no control over. It's just not fair. Then the phrases like "everything happens for a reason come to mind". And, as much as I believe that and know it is true the heartache is still there. As much as I have faith that God will work through me and through our wonderful foster parents I can not help but be broken hearted for the things these sweet faces have endured. So, please pray, as I do daily, for these children. Pray for healing, for restoration, and for protection from the sins of others being inflicted upon them. Today my heart is heavy, tomorrow may be a different story. So, with a heavy but prayerful and hopeful heart I say,

Thats whats up...for now.

Journey

Recently, God has taken us (Michael and I) on a journey. Could I tell you what this journey is specifically? Not a chance. It really does not come down to a specific thing or path or reason. This is what we know: We do not feel called to stay in Omaha. In October we visited the wonderful state of Utah and spent time with friends and made a bunch of new friends as well. We began to feel like maybe, just maybe God was tugging on our hearts to pursue ministry in Salt Lake. When we returned to Omaha Michael applied to be a part of a ministry called Impact.

Now, before this goes too far I have to tell you about my husband. For those of you that know him, you know he is a people person. While large groups of people tend to exhaust me, they energize him. While I tend to be shy and introverted, he only knows the meaning of these words because he married me. His way of doing ministry is simple and beautiful...Build a relationship with someone no matter who or what they are. No strings attached, no hidden agenda. Every relationship he has is for real, with no expectations. Like I said, simple and beautiful. Something I can only hope to be half as good at as he is because I often let my judgements and my own agenda get in the way. He is my inspiration and I am so proud to call him my husband. Anyway, I could go on and on about him, but this post is specifically about our recent journey.

So, Michael applied to Impact to do Campus Ministry on the Campus of the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. Immediately, we began to dream and imagine what our life would be like in Salt Lake; the people we would work with and how we could use our gifts and abilities to do minstry together. At the same time we were thinking about these things so were our best friends (2 other couples), and by best friends I mean friends that are family and family that are friends. They were also pursuing impact.  But, God has other plans for us as Michael was not accepted into Impact and our friends were. I would be lying if I said this did not rock our world. I took this attitude of anger and bitterness and I questioned "Why would they not want my husband to be a part of their organization?" Keep in mind, as a wife, I sort of have this mentality of "If anyone is going to criticize him it's gonna be me." We began to question everything. Were we still supposed to pursue Salt Lake? If so, what would we do there? Then God brought to our attention the fact that we really needed to check our motives behind our reasons for going. Had we wanted to go simply because our dear friends were going? Do we really feel called to Salt Lake? These questions went through both of our minds over and over. These questions combined with bitterness at not being accepted took control of me. It became very difficult to be positive and supportive of my husband, and even our friends (we will call them family because really, they are).

Most recently we have been praying and searching a lot. Michael recently stumbled upon the common passage that states "ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you." He felt that God was challenging him to knock on any doors that presented themselves knowing that God would open the right one. We entertained the idea of going to California while still having Salt Lake City in our minds. I can honestly say we got to a point where we began to imagine and be okay with our path veering from the path of our family. This may sound like a small thing but it is not let me assure you. You see, I am stubborn and I don't like to let go of things. So this was a big deal for me. But, thus far, God has kept Salt Lake in our minds and we feel the need to go back and explore the city again without the prospect of Impact on the table for us. So, as of now, the last week in March we are road tripping to SLC to see our dear friends and hopefully find some discernment as to whether we are to become dwellers of the Valley.

So, this is where we are for now on our journey. We ask the question all the time, "What the heck are we supposed to do with our lives?" We don't know, but God does. Current and in the moment, we struggle with being patient and we struggle with not knowing when our family seems to know. But, I have come to love the phrase "The Journey is the Destination." It seems to define my life, especially my life since I met my husband. I often have to remind myself how we get there is just as if not more important than the destination. My eternal destination is Heaven, this much I know. As for the rest, God only knows. Some days this is comforting and, let's be honest, some days this is annoying. This is where I am, who knows about next week, or even tomorrow. So...

That's what's up...for now.

It begins

So, I suppose here begins my adventure in blogging. I guess it is journaling in some form as it does not much matter to me who follows this blog. I felt the need to just write down my thoughts and what better way to do so? So this blogspot will be for pretty much whatever I want, thoughts, feelings, plans, dreams and everything in between. Does not much matter as far as I am concerned.

Currently, my job title in this world is a Foster Care Specialist. Basically it means I get to work with wonderful foster parents who are doing minstry and making a difference in the lives of children who need the love of Jesus and parents they can count on. My foster parents and foster children are my inspiration as well as one of the many contributing factors that make my life normal yet crazy and interesting. So, that is my day job.

Off the clock I am a wife, sometimes a good one and sometimes not a good one. My husband would attest to both as I know without a shadow of a doubt he loves me more than everything and everyone except Jesus. He puts up with me and all that entails, which can be a lot, especially when Aunt Flow comes to visit. Those close to me would tell you  Michael and I are pretty much polar opposites. We are volatile and often ridiculous. We have often been told we are weird because we do silly and crazy things. Our relationship is very much God's and ours and no one else's.

Also off the clock I am an artist. I fell in love with pottery when I was in High School. In High School I struggled with a dilemma of whether to pursue art school or minstry. God won out in that battle but has since brought art, particularly pottery back into my life. You see, my husband, knowing my love of art and pottery saved extra money for many months and bought me a pottery wheel for Christmas this last year. It has become my most favorite hobby. But more than that it has become my creative outlet and fills a spiritual void that has been empty for the last five years. Not that it is a replacement for God and my faith; quite the opposite, it is my means of connecting with The Father I love so very much. Those who are artists in any form know exactly what I am talking about.

In case you had not picked up on this fact...my faith is the most important thing to me in this world. I say in this world because I know my time on this earth is one grain of sand compared to the eternity I will spend in Heaven. Now, don't misunderstand, I struggle with my faith on a regular basis. I don't read my bible or pray like I should and I often defer to anger rather than love. But, at the very root of my life is my faith. Yes, it is how I was raised but above that it is the one thing I can not imagine my life without. Of course living without other people would be awful...but possible. So, though my faith is my greatest challenge it is also the core of who I am...strange statement. These are my thoughts and this is my prayer: Lord, give me the courage to look inside myself and see the things I need to change. Let everything, truly everything, in my life be guided by you.

That's what's up...for now.