Journey

Recently, God has taken us (Michael and I) on a journey. Could I tell you what this journey is specifically? Not a chance. It really does not come down to a specific thing or path or reason. This is what we know: We do not feel called to stay in Omaha. In October we visited the wonderful state of Utah and spent time with friends and made a bunch of new friends as well. We began to feel like maybe, just maybe God was tugging on our hearts to pursue ministry in Salt Lake. When we returned to Omaha Michael applied to be a part of a ministry called Impact.

Now, before this goes too far I have to tell you about my husband. For those of you that know him, you know he is a people person. While large groups of people tend to exhaust me, they energize him. While I tend to be shy and introverted, he only knows the meaning of these words because he married me. His way of doing ministry is simple and beautiful...Build a relationship with someone no matter who or what they are. No strings attached, no hidden agenda. Every relationship he has is for real, with no expectations. Like I said, simple and beautiful. Something I can only hope to be half as good at as he is because I often let my judgements and my own agenda get in the way. He is my inspiration and I am so proud to call him my husband. Anyway, I could go on and on about him, but this post is specifically about our recent journey.

So, Michael applied to Impact to do Campus Ministry on the Campus of the University of Utah in Salt Lake City. Immediately, we began to dream and imagine what our life would be like in Salt Lake; the people we would work with and how we could use our gifts and abilities to do minstry together. At the same time we were thinking about these things so were our best friends (2 other couples), and by best friends I mean friends that are family and family that are friends. They were also pursuing impact.  But, God has other plans for us as Michael was not accepted into Impact and our friends were. I would be lying if I said this did not rock our world. I took this attitude of anger and bitterness and I questioned "Why would they not want my husband to be a part of their organization?" Keep in mind, as a wife, I sort of have this mentality of "If anyone is going to criticize him it's gonna be me." We began to question everything. Were we still supposed to pursue Salt Lake? If so, what would we do there? Then God brought to our attention the fact that we really needed to check our motives behind our reasons for going. Had we wanted to go simply because our dear friends were going? Do we really feel called to Salt Lake? These questions went through both of our minds over and over. These questions combined with bitterness at not being accepted took control of me. It became very difficult to be positive and supportive of my husband, and even our friends (we will call them family because really, they are).

Most recently we have been praying and searching a lot. Michael recently stumbled upon the common passage that states "ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you." He felt that God was challenging him to knock on any doors that presented themselves knowing that God would open the right one. We entertained the idea of going to California while still having Salt Lake City in our minds. I can honestly say we got to a point where we began to imagine and be okay with our path veering from the path of our family. This may sound like a small thing but it is not let me assure you. You see, I am stubborn and I don't like to let go of things. So this was a big deal for me. But, thus far, God has kept Salt Lake in our minds and we feel the need to go back and explore the city again without the prospect of Impact on the table for us. So, as of now, the last week in March we are road tripping to SLC to see our dear friends and hopefully find some discernment as to whether we are to become dwellers of the Valley.

So, this is where we are for now on our journey. We ask the question all the time, "What the heck are we supposed to do with our lives?" We don't know, but God does. Current and in the moment, we struggle with being patient and we struggle with not knowing when our family seems to know. But, I have come to love the phrase "The Journey is the Destination." It seems to define my life, especially my life since I met my husband. I often have to remind myself how we get there is just as if not more important than the destination. My eternal destination is Heaven, this much I know. As for the rest, God only knows. Some days this is comforting and, let's be honest, some days this is annoying. This is where I am, who knows about next week, or even tomorrow. So...

That's what's up...for now.

It begins

So, I suppose here begins my adventure in blogging. I guess it is journaling in some form as it does not much matter to me who follows this blog. I felt the need to just write down my thoughts and what better way to do so? So this blogspot will be for pretty much whatever I want, thoughts, feelings, plans, dreams and everything in between. Does not much matter as far as I am concerned.

Currently, my job title in this world is a Foster Care Specialist. Basically it means I get to work with wonderful foster parents who are doing minstry and making a difference in the lives of children who need the love of Jesus and parents they can count on. My foster parents and foster children are my inspiration as well as one of the many contributing factors that make my life normal yet crazy and interesting. So, that is my day job.

Off the clock I am a wife, sometimes a good one and sometimes not a good one. My husband would attest to both as I know without a shadow of a doubt he loves me more than everything and everyone except Jesus. He puts up with me and all that entails, which can be a lot, especially when Aunt Flow comes to visit. Those close to me would tell you  Michael and I are pretty much polar opposites. We are volatile and often ridiculous. We have often been told we are weird because we do silly and crazy things. Our relationship is very much God's and ours and no one else's.

Also off the clock I am an artist. I fell in love with pottery when I was in High School. In High School I struggled with a dilemma of whether to pursue art school or minstry. God won out in that battle but has since brought art, particularly pottery back into my life. You see, my husband, knowing my love of art and pottery saved extra money for many months and bought me a pottery wheel for Christmas this last year. It has become my most favorite hobby. But more than that it has become my creative outlet and fills a spiritual void that has been empty for the last five years. Not that it is a replacement for God and my faith; quite the opposite, it is my means of connecting with The Father I love so very much. Those who are artists in any form know exactly what I am talking about.

In case you had not picked up on this fact...my faith is the most important thing to me in this world. I say in this world because I know my time on this earth is one grain of sand compared to the eternity I will spend in Heaven. Now, don't misunderstand, I struggle with my faith on a regular basis. I don't read my bible or pray like I should and I often defer to anger rather than love. But, at the very root of my life is my faith. Yes, it is how I was raised but above that it is the one thing I can not imagine my life without. Of course living without other people would be awful...but possible. So, though my faith is my greatest challenge it is also the core of who I am...strange statement. These are my thoughts and this is my prayer: Lord, give me the courage to look inside myself and see the things I need to change. Let everything, truly everything, in my life be guided by you.

That's what's up...for now.