Recently I have been contemplating my thoughts about working mothers vs. stay at home mothers. Controversial right? I know, which is why when I say recently that actually means months. However, I blog to write down my thoughts so this is my attempt. Feel free to share any opinions you have but bear in mind I have no intentions of offending anyone, this is just an expression of conclusions I have reached and an expression of what is best for my family.
I returned to work when Declan was just 6 weeks old, tried to nurse for the first two weeks and then resolved to just start pumping all the time. So, what would be my "normal" began when Declan was just 8 weeks old and my best friend (the pump) and I went back to work.. At this point I could go into this long drawn out explanation of how crazy our lives were because of our schedules...all of this true. Looking back, I'm not quite sure how we survived, but we did. Anyway, no more details of that aspect as this blog is more geared towards my thoughts about stay at home motherhood vs. working motherhood.
I have been contemplating this questions recently, "If we could afford for me to stay at home, would I want to?" My honest answer, I just don't know. Now, you SAHMs just simmer down for a minute, I know this may sound selfish but walk this thought path with me before you start cursing me in your heads. Maybe another way to ask the question is this way "If I was a SAHM would I feel fulfilled?" I am not sure about this answer. IF I had to guess I think I would say "no". And maybe this sounds selfish too...shouldn't being with my baby boy ALL the time be enough to keep me fulfilled? Shouldn't cooking and cleaning and maintaing my household bring me enough fulfillment? While I can't say for sure because I have never been a SAHM I don't think I would be at my best. While my job is stressful and can be emotionally exhausting it also brings me a large amount of fulfillment and I feel as though my family benefits from this. My job as a foster care specialist is my ministry, kids and families are my passion and I feel as though I have an opportunity to have a small hand in making a difference from time to time in doing this job. And thus the desire within me to use my education to do this ministry is a part of who I am. Also, I firmly believe my time away from Declan makes me cherish the time I do have with him that much more. And no, I'm not saying you SAHMs don't cherish your children. And as for the whole maintaining the household thing....well, see, I don't worry about that so much. Ask anyone that comes to my house regularly...it is usually pretty clean and organized. And ask my husband how many home cooked meals he enjoys in a week (if he tells the truth he would say at least 5).
My conclusion from all these thoughts is this, if I was presented with an opportunity to work part time I probably would do it but the reality is that right now its just not an option for us; I need to be working right now. And that statement begs a whole different question "How do you define need?" Michael works very hard and makes a decent salary so, could we defer our student loans, pay the minimum payment on everything, never go out with friends or family and eat much cheaper? Probably so. But, after thinking about this for months I have come to the conclusion that is not what is best for our family. What is best for our family is for us to get out of debt before we are 40. Let me just take a quick side note here and say that if you have chosen to scale back your spending significantly so that you can stay at home that is totally cool and I have utmost respect for you as a person, wife and mother. . I am simply saying that is not what I feel is best for my family.
As I sit here I am pondering if I should even post this blog, this is now the 5th time over the course of 3 days that I have returned it and tweaked it in such a way to get my thoughts across without offending anyone that might happen to read it. If you did take offense please believe that it was not my intent to offend you in any way. I feel there is a lot of judgements surrounding this issue, at times some of those judgements have been my own. You see, sometimes I fail to understand the SAHMs of this world. Sometimes I find myself asking questions such as "what do they do all day?" And you SAHMs would have wonderful answers, logically I know this. I think my judgemental side kicks in when my doubtful side kicks in. Then God and I have a good conversation and I examine things from a proper perspective and realize the answers to questions like the one above don't really matter because that is what that particular mother and family has decided is best for them. So, I guess this seems like a really good place to end this blog. I know posting this opens me up for you all to share your opinions. Feel free to do so but do it with pure intentions.
That's what's up...for now.
As I sit here I am pondering if I should even post this blog, this is now the 5th time over the course of 3 days that I have returned it and tweaked it in such a way to get my thoughts across without offending anyone that might happen to read it. If you did take offense please believe that it was not my intent to offend you in any way. I feel there is a lot of judgements surrounding this issue, at times some of those judgements have been my own. You see, sometimes I fail to understand the SAHMs of this world. Sometimes I find myself asking questions such as "what do they do all day?" And you SAHMs would have wonderful answers, logically I know this. I think my judgemental side kicks in when my doubtful side kicks in. Then God and I have a good conversation and I examine things from a proper perspective and realize the answers to questions like the one above don't really matter because that is what that particular mother and family has decided is best for them. So, I guess this seems like a really good place to end this blog. I know posting this opens me up for you all to share your opinions. Feel free to do so but do it with pure intentions.
That's what's up...for now.
